Worse Things

VINCE

August 5, 2014

Today I received my official classification score and recommendation from the Minnesota Department of Corrections: 3 points, Level Two Minimum.  It is about as not dangerous to society as a person can be, that’s me.  Sentenced to 50 months I would now like to present a list of things our state deems less dangerous than a person with 6 grams of meth in their hands.

Criminal Sexual Conduct 3rd Degree to include: sex trafficking, using a minor in a sexual performance in pornography

Possession of said porn will get probation, but not prison.

You can solicit a child for sex and if you have done it before, you could face probation.  Third time, you may receive up to 15 months in prison.  That’s just sex.

Here are some other things you can do to avoid prison in Minnesota:

Financial exploitation of a vulnerable adult (up to $35,000)

Shoot a gun in a city bus, or at one

Run from a cop

Kidnap and release a person

Assault a person with bodily harm

Fail to affix tax stamp to heroin

Starve a retarded person

Negligently discharge an explosive

Shot to kill a person while hunting

Kill somebody with your car

Kill an unborn baby

Stalk a person (UP TO 3 TIMES!)

Bribe

Assault a vulnerable adult

Bring a dangerous weapon on school property

Malicious punishment of a child causing substantial bodily harm

Violate a restraining order

Bring a gun to court

Start a building on fire with people in it

Beat your husband or wife (but only twice)

My favorite: Illegal molestation of human remains.  You can do that four times before you see 12 months of prison.

Now some of these have various ways of being explained and I put my little spin on some.  But they are all on the MN Sentencing Guidelines Grid and Offense Severity Table.  I am in 8-1 Severity 8, Criminal History Score 1.  Bottom of the box sentence because I spoke to the judge at sentencing about life and what I wanted to do with it.  She liked me and gave me over 4 years to think.

[ANNE: The day after Vince sent me this post (and I was feeling skeptical about what he’d written) I saw an article in the Star Trib about a chiropractor who had pleaded guilty to raping a patient, and would be sentenced to no more than 4 years in prison.]

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