27 days to go
What’s the difference between an epiphany and a revelation? Well I had one of them I think.
I was watching the movie Evan Almighty the other day, and during a speech by Morgan Freeman he explains how He (God) answers prayers not by giving people what they ask for, but by the opportunity to earn it. I personally don’t believe in any god, but every time Morgan Freeman speaks it’s like the first time I heard the Beatles: Magical.
Anywho, I got to thinking. I have changed a lot in many ways in the last 7½ months. As of now, I do not want to be part of the drug world anymore. I no longer have any contact with people who use meth. And the longer I have no contact with them, the closer I can get to repairing the relationships with my family, and starting new friendships in the sober community.
But what about a career? What about continuing education? I have a plan, I just don’t know how to implement it yet.
I have spent a lot of my years in kitchens of all shapes and sizes. I would really like to continue with that. Something that I’ve always wanted and would, quite frankly, look good on a resume, is a degree in culinary arts. I have a lot of college credit. I hated every class. But I love creating and learning about food. I have strong kitchen skills, but there is so much more to learn.
My only realistic option upon release from boot camp is to move in with a family member in The Cities. Option 2: a halfway house in Rochester. In Rochester, I know a hundred different ways to get meth in five minutes. Of course there is meth in The Cities but it will be farther from my mind if my family is around instead of druggies.
Unfortunately, I already owe so much on my defaulted student loans, there’s no way I could pay for more college. That, you see, is the problem. Rob a bank?
Maybe not an epiphany or a revelation, but knowing what I want to do is certainly a step in the right direction. And certainly a better idea than dealing meth!
I haven’t mentioned my ex co-defendant for some time. Well, that’s because she hasn’t been behaving herself. When I took the prison time it was in hope that she would use this chance to sober up. Tougher than it sounds. I know from experience.
Yesterday I found out that she’s in jail again on another drug charge. This time it’s only for hash, very minor in our state, but with her history, she may get a lengthy term.
I haven’t spoken to anybody on the bad side of the law for over a month. Nothing good can come of it.
For the second time in my life, I’m excited about sobriety. I find myself thinking about getting out and finding a couple people I know who are currently in boot camp and sitting around laughing about prison over coffee. They are both from St. Paul.
I’m setting myself up for success, and it’s going to be a lot of work. The second hardest part starts in 18 days. Six months after that, the real test: freedom.