Toadally at Peace


I lifted weights for the first time in years this morning.  They’re still heavy like a remembered.  Free weights make a guy feel a bit awkward and off balance, but they really do a good job.  My goal was to lift 10,000 pounds, but I lost track after my first set.  I think I did a bit more though.

I saw myself in a full length mirror today.  My body has transformed considerably for just 2 ½ months.  I’ve lost most of my gut, and my chest sticks out by itself.  Most guys in prison stick their chests out to appear more threatening, much like a dog bares it’s teeth.  Now I don’t have to do that!  Either way I pose no real threat.

Today I’m feeling good about myself.

Today I left the grounds on RJWC—Restorative Justice Work Crew.  I spent six hours working very hard at a bible camp/retreat/campground sort of place.  My favorite part was being completely unsupervised for about an hour while I groomed a trail in the woods around a pond.

It was quiet.  I was surrounded by nature.  I spoke briefly with a couple toads.  They said nothing back, of course, as most toads and frogs speak little to no English.

The rest of the time I spent stacking wood, and raking up concrete and Styrofoam from an old shuffle board court.  I was with seven others from the India squad and we all sort of moved around to different projects.

It was a very fulfilling and productive day.  I will have the opportunity to be on RJWC every week or so for now, and it’s usually something /somewhere different every time.

I miss my dog, Willie.  I think about him a lot, and I wonder if he still thinks about me.

He was with me shortly before I was arrested, which is usually a sign that that person set you up to be busted, but I know he wouldn’t do that to me.  He’s not even a person.  He is, however, probably more loyal than most of the people I know in the meth world.

He is with my dear non-meth-using friends in Fountain, Minnesota.  He’s been living there without me for about a year and a half.  I just got a few pictures of him and my friends and it took everything I have not to break down crying in the middle of the other 5 guys in my barracks.

There’s so much of my life I wish I could do over.

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