Three weeks and a day after my release from incarceration I got a job. I’ve filled out applications and applied online to a number of establishments and businesses, but today I was hired by the first place at which I inquired of employment. Actually, I had stopped in there a couple times and called a few more, and was about to give up completely when I received a message from my friend that works there saying somebody had just quit. Then he called me and said I could start tomorrow, which I couldn’t do, but I will on Thursday. Yay! Thank you Mr. D. You know who you are.
Last night my agents paid me a visit around 11pm in which they were finally giving me a little bit of a hard time about not yet finding employment. They said they weren’t really worried yet, but if I didn’t have some form of employment within two weeks, we would be having a conversation. Then they asked if I had tried a temp agency, to which I said I thought we weren’t allowed to do that, which is what I remember from orientation, or something, I don’t know. I have on more than one occasion called into the voicemail system with a relevant question and received no response. Again, I say, this is the common frustration among us newly released. It’s all very confusing and sometimes I feel as if things I hear are contradictory. That’s the way it was in boot camp but I think it was more to see if they could get a reaction out of us there. Out here it wouldn’t really make sense to tell us anything that wouldn’t put us on the right track, so I think maybe I’m imagining a few things because they don’t make sense. Does that make sense? I could also be losing my mind. I do think I should write things down more often.
I had a really bad dream again last night in which I hooked back up with my old drug dealer (who, in real life, is in a Federal prison in California for 15 years) and was holed up in a hotel room with a huge bag of meth. I don’t know what kind of hotel it was but it was odd. I remember a knock at the door, and when I opened it up there were a bunch of high school kids who looked at me as if they were very disappointed in me and then left. When I turned around I saw the huge bag of meth just sitting on the nightstand under a brightly lit lamp, but I didn’t seem to care. I noticed that in general, I don’t ever have conversations in dreams. Or, at the very least I don’t think I ever say anything. Well, that was the end of the dream, and in real life it was morning time, and I got up. I can’t wait for my meeting tonight.
Tomorrow I will be spending the day doing some manual labor and general maintenance for my dear aunt Connie. That I have scheduled from 9AM until 7PM and with a morning run and an evening meeting I wont hardly be home at all, which is something I’m looking forward to. Connie is a survivor of cancer and a hero to me since childhood. I have a lot of making up to do in our relationship since I took a vacation for so many years. She was one of those people that tried to help me out when she found out I had relapsed oh so many years ago. So, she didn’t make the friends list. I will work hard tomorrow digging out a tree stump, trimming some trees, and what-not. But what I really want is the opportunity to talk with her one-on-one, an opportunity I have not had as of yet. An opportunity for me to apologize, make amends, and move on. And if you’re reading this, Connie, pretend you haven’t when I see you please. 🙂
Coming up on the blog: First day on the job! Please share this blog with your friends. The goal as always is to help the still suffering addict, and make me a famous writer in the process!
Congratulations on the new job, Vince! I’ve been reading your blog since I learned about it (July?), binge reading, at times. One overall feeling I’ve had in reading your posts since leaving prison is that it seems the system is not designed to be supportive once someone leaves the rigid environment of prison life. Calling into a voice mail system with questions that need answers and not getting an answer? Being confined to home with a rigid schedule of when you can go out and when you can’t, what you can do and what you can’t, needing direction according to the rules and not getting a response when you need it? I don’t find that supportive. For someone who isn’t as committed as you, I can see where the boredom of this routine can tempt someone to chuck it all. Another thought is that it seems there should be a reentry program while in prison to unlearn social interactions and relearn healthy ways of engagement with others. This comment is based on your visit to the grocery store, which was overwhelming, part of which was discomfort with lots of people and not being comfortable looking them in the eye (verboten in prison but pretty much a requirement in U.S. society…another reentry issue). I hope your day with your aunt is great, healing for both of you. And I look forward to reading about your first day on your job!
Congratulations on the job!